The Unseen Abuse

 I tried not to talk about it. And before you get any ideas, I’m not talking about my husband. A counselor told me that emotional abuse is harder than physical abuse for several reasons. It’s unseen. The lies, manipulation and brainwashing can make you think things are okay, but they aren’t okay. The gaslighting and gift giving can cause utter confusion. Maybe they’re nice after all? But why do I feel so drained? 

Emotional abusers are like emotional vampires who suck the life right out of you to get their fix, at your expense. 

All they care about is how they look to others. They may be physically there but emotionally absent. If you set a boundary and don’t let them near you, they find someone else to torment. I use strong language because it is intense. They cause deep pain to those they hurt but they don’t see it. They lie and cause turmoil and try to break apart healthy relationships. It’s truly sad. 

If you find yourself struggling with anxiety or depression and you can’t find the root cause, consider talking to a biblical counselor about it. You may be shocked. Not all counseling is created equal and I don’t agree with some things…but it does help to sit down and talk things out. 

Healing can only happen when you are in a safe place. This means you need to put space between yourself and the narcissist. This will seem impossible and it will take courage and a lot of support from people who love you. But it will be worth it. 

As you heal you will be able to feel again. The numbness will go away and you will begin to feel and process all the trauma and abuse. This is extremely difficult. I personally have not used medication except for natural remedies and supplements for stress and anxiety. Essential oils are a great tool to use along with prayer, Bible reading, going to church and worshiping God. 

It’s amazing how the body physically responds to past traumatic experiences when you tell the story to someone. I guess that’s what some people call PTSD. Your heart starts beating faster, panic sets in as you relive the hurtful moment. Tears may come later that used to never come. 

God says He catches our tears in a bottle. He cares. He sees. God is a Healer and He is close to the broken-hearted. 

I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe through my nose anymore. I didn’t have many words to even pray. My heart was crying out for healing from my heavenly Father. I walked into the kitchen and typed in Psalm 3 (because today is November 3rd) on my phone. I clicked the audio button and listened to Psalm 3. “ Lord, how they are increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are saying of me there is no help for him in God.  Selah, 

But you, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. With my voice I cry to the Lord, and he hears and answers me out of his holy hill. Selah 

I lay down and slept; I awaken again for the Lord sustains me I will not be afraid of 10,000s of people who have set themselves against me round about. Arise, Oh, Lord, save me, Oh my God, for you have struck all my enemies on the cheek; you have broken the teeth of the ungodly. Salvation belongs to the Lord. May your blessings be upon your people Selah.” 

I couldn’t believe THIS was the passage God led me to because when I had shared part of my story with a group of women, one of them came up to me after the event and gave me this verse in Psalm 3 about God being the lifter of my head! Hallelujah! What the devil meant to destroy me God can use! 

Psalm 3:7 talks about what the Lord will do. You can’t fight with an emotional abuser. It makes it worse. Don’t rebuke a fool in their folly. Proverbs talks a lot about that. Only rebuke a wise person. Exodus 14:14 says, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” 

I listened to Psalm 3 over and over again and let His Word wash me. Then I played Psalm 4 on my phone and it said, “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have freed me when I was hemmed in and enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me and hear my prayer. Oh, you sons of men, how long will you turn my honor and glory into shame? How long will you love vanity and futility and seek after lies? Selah! But know that the Lord has set apart for himself him who is godly, the Lord, listens and heeds when I call to him. Be angry and sin not; commune with your own hearts upon your beds, and be silent, Selah! Offer just and right sacrifices; trust in the lord. Many say, oh, that we might see some good! Lift up the light of your countenance upon us, oh, Lord. You’ve put more joy and rejoicing in my heart than when their wheat and new wine have yielded abundantly. In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you, Lord, alone, make me dwell in safety and confident trust.”

God is our refuge. He is our shield and defender. God sticks up for you when you can’t stick up for yourself. He sees it all even when narcissistic people seem “perfect” to outsiders. When you lose confidence and trust in people, remember God is trustworthy. God is your protector and He allows us to dwell in safety. Take heart my friend, God is on your side! And so am I. 

Cheering you on,

Brandi