My Miscarriage


I had somehow gotten into the mindset that God could do anything if we pray with faith. I had big positive faith and had not experienced a lot of grief. I even thought it was a sign of weakness to pray “the Lord’s will be done”. I wanted to use scripture to bend the will of God and make Him do what I wanted to do. I still wanted to be in control. It sounds horrible to say that but I thought I was spiritual for “believing”. After going through a miscarriage it has changed my mind.  

A sweet, spiritual friend came to visit me and shared with me a story that really helped me. She said there was a woman who had an adult son with cancer. This woman had faith that Jesus could heal her son and she believed God would heal him. She had everyone pray for him but he still died. This really shook her up and almost shut her down. But God taught her through it and now she speaks about it. My friend asked me if my husband and I had prayed for the Lord’s will to be done when I was starting to have a miscarriage. I told her that I asked my husband to pray over me when I was beginning to show signs of a miscarriage. I was too weak emotionally to claim the scriptures for healing over myself and I wanted him to do it. But instead of just claiming verses and asking God to save the baby he prayed a simple heartfelt prayer that ended with “the Lord’s will be done”. I was a tiny bit mad at him at first. He reminded me that he had prayed that the Lord would not let us have any children that would die without Christ. He also reminded me that God knows best and we have to trust His plan. It is not always wise to bend the will of God. The Lord sent Isaiah to tell Hezekiah that he was going to die. Hezekiah prayed that the Lord would let him live longer and God allowed it. Hezekiah lived 15 more years but in that time he dishonored the Lord. 

“Before God will use you greatly, He will wound you deeply. Are you ready to be pruned by the Master?” Dr. Mitchell in Becoming Mom Strong by Heidi St. John 

Sometimes the Lord has things to teach us that only can be learned through suffering. When I was going through the miscarriage all I could pray was “Lord help me”. I felt so weak physically and emotionally. 

I thought about the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible and how weak and helpless she must have felt. I had only bled for 15 days and felt so weak but she had bled for years. Jesus could have healed her sooner but she suffered for years before her healing came. 

2 Corinthians 1:1-11 speaks about suffering and consolation. 

It is healing to tell your story ...I posted a video about my miscarriage. It helped me by talking through it and it helped other women too. 

Here’s a song our friends wrote that helps me:

Thank You for the Storm by Zach Whitsel 

It's a blessing when I see
The dark clouds parting
When the rain is gone and
The sun is breaking through
I anticipate when life
Will just be normal
Just to close my weary eyes
And rest in you

My heart can rest so easy
When there's blue skys
When the wind is gone
And rain is not in sight
How I long to
Hang my sword
Above the mantle
Away from harm
And distant from
The fight

But I wouldn't know
Your peace
Without the hard times
Or be thankful
For relief
Without the pain
I wouldn't love the light
If it were not for the darkness
Or appreciate the sun
Without the rain
How could I
Understand forgiveness
Without failure
Or feel the
Warmth of love
Without the bitter cold

How could I hold
Your healing hands
Without affliction
And be blessed to see
Your mercies all unfold
Sure it's a blessing
To be safe, secure, and warm
But Lord I want to
Thank you for the storm

Imagine as peter sat in prison
He may have paced
The floor with chains
Around his feet
And in his mind
The devil taunt
It as he whispers
The battles lost
And this is your defeat
But then his mind
Went back to that night
In the tempest
When the master spoke
And winds and seas obeyed
And he remembered
That storm calming
All around him
He could rest
In that dark
Prison unafraid
And say

I wouldn't know
Your peace
Without the hard times
Or be thankful
For relief
Without the pain
I wouldn't love the light
If it were not for the darkness
Or appreciate the sun
Without the rain
How could I
Understand forgiveness
Without failure
Or feel the
Warmth of love
Without the bitter cold
How could I hold
Your healing hands
Without affliction
And be blessed to see
Your mercies all unfold
Sure it's a blessing
To be safe, secure, and warm
But Lord I want to
Thank you for the storm

If my life were
Free of trials
Lord I'd lose 
My view of you
There's sweet trophies
That remind me of
All you do
Sure it's a blessing
To be safe, secure, and warm
But Lord I want to
Thank you
For the storm
I'm still safe, secure, and warm
And Lord
I want to thank you for the storm 

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