I've been wrestling this out with God. I am starting to realize that being a perfectionist is all about me. It's selfish. It means I care too much about what other people think about me when it only matters what GOD thinks about me.
God doesn't care how the highlights look in my hair or if my jewelry goes with my outfit. God cares about my inner beauty. A gentle and quiet spirit is precious to God.
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible,even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:4
Everything is backwards in God's kingdom. The weak are strong, the last shall be first. However, God always places priority on people.
God cares more about the people in my home than how clean my home is. I have found with homeschooling that house cleaning has to take the back burner, and it doesn't matter what people think about it.
I read an article titled, "I was a perfectionist home school mom". Kate Kim says, "As a young homeschooling mother, I feared inadequacy and failure. The more my fear grew, the more I tried to secure success by finding the "best" curriculum and parenting methods. My growing collection of books and resources became a burden. I cried out to my Father, able only to whisper my helplessness to Him. Clarity came as I finally took my eyes off my own effort and shortcomings. I began to see God's sovereignty and personal love at work in my life."
As I am on this journey of homeschooling God has shown me how far I am from perfection in every area. That is why I need Him!
Kate Kim says, "The combination of homeschooling and parenting is not unlike faith. It can be a hard, hard thing. There is often no clear or constant affirmation along the way to bolster confidence."
I don't know how many times I have told my husband, "Parenting is so hard. Homeschooling is so hard. I don't know what I'm doing. I still feel like a child myself!"
I thought it was hard having babies, but that was a breeze compared to teaching a complaining 7 year old with a toddler into everything (so eager to learn) while trying to discipline all three boys and wondering what I'm gonna make for supper and when I'm gonna get to wash my hair. Breathe.
"My focus on perfectly teaching and parenting my children created a heavy chain of impossible goals." I think he gave me this job so I could see that I can't do this without Him.
When my mind says, "I can't do this." I remember God's Word says, "I CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philip. 4:13
My son was saying, "I can't do this writing assignment." And then I shared with him the same verse God shared with me. He too can do all things through Christ.
When I am weak, then I am strong.
As I was asking the Lord yesterday what I need to do to be able to handle the chaos of homeschooling and parenting while being a perfectionist. He simply said, "Come to Me." It reminded me of the Scripture Matthew 11:28-29
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
This had been my devotion only a week ago. I read it the same day I read the home school article. God was trying to speak to me all along. If I would only come to Him, he would quiet my soul. So, as I heard the Lord calling me to come in the quiet of the house with everyone asleep, I put into practice Matthew 11:28.
I woke up refreshed and enjoying my precious sons and enjoying the privilege of home schooling them. Nothing beats being cuddled up on the couch on a rainy day reading aloud a good book with people I love.