Friday, February 15, 2013

Expectations & Communication

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.  Some people went all out and got all romantic, others did nothing.  You may have had high expectations of your spouse doing something nice for you...and when they didn't you were let down. 

I remember the first Christmas my husband and I celebrated as a married couple 8 years ago.  The weeks leading up to Christmas he would give me hints about what he bought me.  He was so excited and knew I would love it!  He said, "This gift fits your personality and you will want to wear it everyday.."  I thought it was going to be a beautiful ring! 

Well, on Christmas morning he hands me a huge wrapped present...hhhmmm.  It felt soft.  I knew it wasn't a ring.  I opened it.  A blue electric blanket.  I cried.

I know, I know, that was so rude of me.  I should have smiled and been thankful that he got me a gift.  (I'm still working on that part!)  I said, "How does this fit my personality honey?"  He said, "Cause you're always cold."  

He felt bad about that so a couple months later on Valentine's Day he gave me a beautiful ring in a pretty box!   

I have learned to have no expectations (or at least try not to).  That way when my husband gives me a card or a gift I am super excited!  Sometimes he asks what I want him to get me for whatever holiday is coming up.  I don't like to say, "Get me ______."  I like to be surprised.  But I don't like to be surprised with an electric blanket.  I am complicated.  That's probably why the first sentence of my Valentine card said, "A simple card for a complicated girl."  My husband wrote that.  Then he wrote sweet stuff:)

I keep a list of things I would like to buy for myself or the house that I simply cannot afford to buy whenever I want to.  And I don't have a credit card.  We live on a very small income and I'm a stay at home Mom.  If I told you how much we live on you would not believe me.  We do not have any debt at all and we own all of our vehicles, by God's grace.

Anyway, sometimes I tell my hubby to look at my list and get me something on it.  The other day we received a gift card to Lowes.  I thought he might buy a tool he needed.  He bought me a small convection oven for me instead.  He put me before himself, like he always does.  My husband has taught me by example how to be selfless and put others needs before his own.  He knew it was one of the things that had been on my list for a couple years.  He was thoughtful and was thinking of me.

So, he came home with the oven in his truck a few days before Valentine's Day.  He said, "I have your present for you a few days early, is that okay?"  I said yes.  He brought the oven in and I couldn't believe he spent the whole gift card on me.  

The day before Valentine's Day he said, "I don't have you a gift for tomorrow cause I got you the oven."  I said, "That's okay, just give me a card" :)  And he got me a card, pink tulips and a candle!"

 I have also learned that it is okay to communicate about gifts on holidays.  And to be honest in your communication.  For instance, one year I told my husband not to get me anything.  (But I didn't really mean that, I at least wanted a card...)  So he didn't get me anything that year because I told him not to.  He is so sweet and I am so spoiled and complicated!  I am glad he loves me and is patient with me.  That is why I give him help by saying, "A card would be nice."  

If you tend to be disappointed year after year then think about giving your husband a little heads up and help before the holidays.  Remind him that tomorrow is your birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc.  Tell him you would love to go on a date with him this Friday or Saturday. 

Instead of focusing on what he does or does not get you think of what to do for him to make him feel loved.  I cooked my hubby his favorite supper and we ate together as a family.  (If you can't afford a nice date do one at home.)  I also set up candles and music in our bedroom that night.  I could not afford to buy him a nice present so I tried to make the day special at home.  

I decorated the table at breakfast and supper with hearts and little Valentine cards.  My sister helped me do a chocolate fondue to dip strawberries and bananas in but I found out that's more of a girl thing.  My husband didn't eat any and my boys ate the fruit plain.  That left a ton of chocolate for me and my sis to eat!  The boys did have fun with the pitchfork looking things...

                                                             My sister and Benjamin

                                   I put hearts on their cups and napkins, they thought it was cool!

                                   Benjamin said the water tasted better cause it had a heart on it:)
                                                  Having fun cutting strawberries for dessert! 
                                                         Elijah is always wanting to help...
                                      And he is rewarded with a strawberry dripping with chocolate!
                                                    We ate all the strawberries and bananas
                                            Even the 2 year old loved it.  He goes in for the stab...
                                                     He got the fruit and not his fingers, whew!
                                                                     It's going in...
                                                                 Oh yea, he did it!

Back to expectations...I expected my hubby to love the chocolate strawberries but the boys loved stabbing the berries instead.   

When you have expectations life never seems to meet them.  So let's love selflessly without expecting anything in return and lovingly communicate when it is needed.




1 comment:

  1. LOL, Brandi! I have done those exact things.. and learned, yeah, never tell your hubby not to get you anything. ROFL! This has inspired me to write a post about why Valentine's day is such a sore subject with us. I was wondering if you or John had gotten a chance to talk to KB yet & see what she thought about her Flight?? I was encouraged by the change I saw, just over meals b/c I was in the dining room the whole time.. but she went from never smiling at all to being all smiles & laughing & talking with the other girls. I'm excited to learn what her thoughts were afterward! My email is geannie (at) live (dot) com if you would rather email me. Love you bunches!!